This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
