gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
