I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
