the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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