I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you had me at cake vodka
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
