UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
