Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
