Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
