Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
