FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
