They should really pass out barf bags in church
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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