he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
