Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize