I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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