i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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