Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Michael Bay diarrhea
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
