I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
