she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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