if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
