is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
