2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
