Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
