Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
