what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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