She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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