how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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