i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
