we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
