I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
