vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
