farters have to be the big spoon...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
