i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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