Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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