Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
