I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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