my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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