I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
