Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
