I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
