I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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