I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are we still banned from the library?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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