dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
