Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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