I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He passed out mid-signature
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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