I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
