My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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