Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
