I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
pray to the hookup gods
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
