Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
