I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
