so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
